Frustrations, panic, and finally happy news :)
It seems that whenever I post I always have something negative to say. This blog has turned into somewhere that I just come to bitch and complain and whine and moan and groan and blah. I which I had more positive things to say here, I really do but all I ever think of writing about is always negative because those are the things that get to me, and those are the things that make me want to write. So here it goes.
I’m starting to get seriously frustrated the past few days. i have been having some abnormal, crazy mood swings where I’m happy one minute and then mad and pissed off the next and I can’t figure out why. I’m assuming it’s the medications I’m on since I’m a couple of different ones now and I remember the pharmacist telling me one of them had mood swing side effects. So hopefully this evens out, because I’m not happy about this. Also during the past few days, I’ve been having almost 24 hour weirdness. the only way I can almost describe it would be to call it vertigo, where the whole world is always moving and off kilter and walking is a challenge (more so than normal). It’s making concentrating on school, and just life in general, extremely hard. I can’t focus because everything is off.
Besides seeing the world wonky, my eyes also seem to be getting worse. So I will probably need to go for another eye check up sometime within the next 3 months or so just to make sure that I’m not getting any more blind. My eyes are bad enough, soon I’ll be walking around with coke bottle glasses or needing an eye transplant because I won’t be able to see anymore.
On another similar but different but same frustrating tangent my spelling is getting worse and worse and worse! Seriously. If you know me, you know that I’m am crazy anal when it comes to my spelling and for me to start having spelling mistakes drives me nuts. After my strokes back in November and December I noticed that my spelling had started to slip and it bothered me but I had gotten used to the occasional spelling mistake here and there and I had finally given myself over to the fact that I can’t stress out about the mistakes anymore. Well the past week or so every word almost is getting messed up in some way or another. Either my fingers don’t work right and don’t type/write all the letters, or my brain completely forgets how to spell the word. This is starting to bring me down folks. I’m actually getting semi-emotional just writing about this because of how much it’s affecting me. GAH. And really, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. Frustrating.
And this is something I’ve been thinking about, something serious and something possibly life and mind altering for me. I’ve been thinking about the possibility of having depression. I have never felt like I have had it, so this is kind of a weird thing for me to think about. The reason I have been thinking about it is because I was wondering if it could be a possible reason for most of my symptoms. I have a family history of depression, so that is in the books. I do have some of the key factors doctors look for like mood swings, short fuse, periods of over-sleeping/periods of insomnia, achyness etc. And I know these seem like general things but I have a giant list of symptoms that is just too huge to write down here. So I think I may have to first have a hard conversation with MM, and then a conversation with my doctor. I don’t want to think about this even being a possibility because I have seen what it can do and how it can absolutely destroy someone, but I want to be able to find out what is wrong and be able to help myself, and if this is even a remote possibility? I need to look into it and stop crossing it off like I’ve been doing. And now thinking about it makes me want to crawl up into a ball and cry. UGH ON BEING EMOTIONAL
ONTO HAPPIER NEWS!!
For all of you people who don’t follow her blog, Amy, was preggers for the past nine months and last night started going into labour and went into full-on labour this morning. She has had a precious baby girl whose name and picture has not been released (well at least not to the general public via Twitter). I bet she is the most adorable baby and I can’t wait to see her!! So congratz Amy and fam!!!
